3:15pm: Arrive in Evansville at my sister’s house. Both sisters greet me. They ask if I wanted to go see a movie with them, then do some midnight shopping. Not thinking about previous years, and happy to see them, I agree. “What movie are we seeing?” I ask. “Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part I!” My anus tightens.
9:55pm: I am one of three males in the theater, all coerced. The movie begins, and my sense of foreboding increases.
12:01am: The movie lets out. I will save my judgment of the Twilight franchise for another post. Suffice it to say, it was not targeted at me and I’m not offended by that.
12:05am: After deciding a plan of action, it is determined that we attack the more sparsely populated West side of town, as the East side is overrun by what looks like frightened shoppers trying to lay in goods for the coming Apocalypse. There’s a palpable sense of desperation about it all.
12:20am: Arrive at Kohl’s on Evansville’s West side. Surprisingly, there is parking. We enter store and begin the rugby scrum that is shopping in a store with twice as many people in it than the Fire Marshall intended.
12:45am: My sisters decide on their purchases, and we get in line. It’s a line that stretches all the way around the store. There is remarkably little tension, as the West side of my hometown is populated by taciturn, German farming types who take things in stride.
1:45am: We pay for our goods, and head off to Target, North side. Again, most of the craziness is taking place on the East side, so we are avoiding the first wave.
1:55am: Arrive at Target. It’s not as crowded, as the first wave roared through a couple of hours ago. There are remnants of the carnage that took place, though. Store guards were dismantling a rather complex barrier/herding system. The workers all had eyes that spoke of defeat at the hands of the voracious mob. Shopping is unimpeded, and we wrap up quickly.
2:30am: After two successful runs, we decide to attack Eastland Mall in the heart of Ground Zero. Running on adrenaline and caffeine, we make our way across town.
2:50am: Arrive at Eastland Mall, and park on the extreme Northside of the parking lot for easy escape. Our targets are Old Navy and Bath & Body Works. We get in, get out, and minimize casualties.
3:40am: I start to get a little buzzy, and sit outside the store for a bit to rest. We head off to Bath & Body Works so my niece can pick up a couple of things.
3:50am: We arrive at the store in the middle of a phalanx of people. Though there are 8 check outs, it will take an hour to get out of there. My older sister and I adjourn to the Food Court to collapse at a table.
5:00am: We leave the Mall and head back. I don’t feel victorious or even elated. I just want to get some sleep.
5:20am: Finally get into bed after facing a grim horde of zombies shuffling along like nonagenarians.
11:00am: Inform sisters that if they want to do this again next year, they can GO BY THEMSELVES!
0 comments:
Post a Comment